I Love You (Not)
by Delita-chan
Summary: Told in Sir Fratley's point of view. Fratley must tell Freya the truth about thier love, which may send her into the arms of another man.


I Love You (Not)  
By Delita-chan  
  
  
"Freya...I love you..."  
Silent. No response for a few moments. Just silence. Then her lips curled into a smile.  
"I love you too, Sir Fratley. You don't know just how much your 'I love yous' mean to me."  
"I know they make you happy."  
"Even though you've forgotten our love, you still know how to love me. And together, you and I will help rebuild our kingdom, Burmecia. Oh Fratley!"  
She embraced me tightly. I wish I could say something but I say nothing at all.  
It's better than lying to her.  
  
I now sit here in Gizamaluke's Grotto, awaiting my "darling" Freya's arrival. I've asked her to meet me here alone. When I told her this, she was no doubt thrilled and I couldn't understand why. Didn't she know the grim fate that awaited her here? Later, a mere hour after I requested a private meet, I overheard a Burmecian telling another that Freya was expecting to be engaged later this afternoon! I would be asking her to marry me! My, do Burmecians gossip.  
But marry Freya? So that's why she was excited about coming here alone. Oh lord, oh lord, did she REALLY think I arranged this so I cold ask her to be MY WIFE?  
No, that wasn't it at all!  
Now it would be much harder to break the news to her, to tell her the truth, to un-do this lie of mine!  
She's probably going to cry and accuse me of leading her on. And that's understandable. I told her I loved her. LOVE! It's a serious action! Why, she believed it so much and so did the rest of her friends. She was going to expect a diamond ring on her finger after this meeting.  
Freya arrives and sits next to me, very lady-like and proper. I suppose if I didn't have such amnesia, I could remember what I thought about her mannerism. Did I like it or not? That isn't important right now.  
She grins at me, from ear to ear, anxiously awaiting that special moment. She had no idea what was coming. Oh, how awful this is! Why can't I remember her and love her? Why do I have to have amnesia? Of course, I'd seen several doctors about it, especially Dr. Tot of Treno, but they all said the same thing; it was probably permanent memory loss. I'd never remember her again. Oh, but how I WANT to make her happy, how I WANT to love her! But that was impossible, you see...  
You can't love someone you don't know.  
"Fratley, what is this all about? Have you got a surprise for me?" she asks coyly, placing her gentle hands on her lap. She's playing innocent with me. She thinks she knows what's on my mind.  
But I won't lie to her anymore.  
"Freya..." I begin, as I stand up. "Freya, I don't know how to say this to you, but...I lied."  
She blinks, yet continues to stare at me, smiling.  
"Lied?"  
I nod. "Indeed. I've lied to you."  
"Oh Frat. If you're talking about last night's argument, then I don't mind. You're right, the king shouldn't worry so much about-"  
"No!" I shout. "I lied about..." I swallow hard, feeling a pain in my throat. "About us, Freya! I lied about our so called love!"  
"About...our love? Fratley, what on earth are you saying?" she asks in disbelief. Her smile has now faded to my dismay. Then again, what was I expecting?  
"Freya, I...I don't love you like I said I did! I can't love you, for I don't know you anymore!" I sputter. Nothing makes it out of my mouth the way I had rehearsed it earlier.  
She stands up, mouth open wide, her claws covering it. She looks as if she's seen a ghost.  
"D...don't love me! But...but Fratley!" Freya's too stunned to fight for "us". She's too shocked to finish. I can see her dark eyes becoming damp.  
I can only shake my head in dismay. Poor Freya!  
"I've been traveling for a long time without any kind of company. That is all I can remember from the past, I swear it. I know it sounds cruel, Freya, but I don't remember you at all. Hell, I can't even remember what happened that made me loose my memory. Now, you know that Dr. Tot told me that there was almost no chance of me recovering this amnesia so I have no choice but to start all over again. Make new memories for me."  
I thought I could hear Freya mumbling "Memories that you will forget?" but I choose not to pursue it.  
"I'm sorry, but I'm no longer the Fratley you knew and loved."  
Her delicate hands are trembling as she looks down, her silvery-blue hair covering her eyes. She won't respond anymore.  
"Freya, you must understand that I couldn't continue to lie to you anymore. You don't deserve that."  
"Fratley..." her hoarse voice starts to say. She looks up at me and I can see the tears streaming down her eyes. It pains me to see this happen, something I've done to her. "I'm...I'm not angry with you at all..."  
"Not angry?" I say, completely surprised. "But surely you are, you have much reason to be!" I declare. This was even worse than hurting her; having her not mad at me. I wanted her to be angry with me for being the jerk I am! I did not deserve any kind of understanding or sympathy from her!  
"No." She shakes her head. "Fratley, it is partially my fault for this stupid mess. I led myself to believe you and I were in love..."  
"Don't blame yourself, Freya." Could it get any worse?  
"I pushed you to love me, even though you couldn't remember my name. I made you feel that your amnesia was a terrible crime. I obligated you to love me because we had a past. In truth, Fratley, I always knew deep in my heart that it was over. I know the romantic flame between us has died out." She buries her face in her hands to weep. I sit down again, feeling totally worthless. Nothing I do or say will ever take the pain away from her broken heart.   
"Freya..." I begin after what seemed like days. "I will be traveling around Gaia once again to see if I can recollect any memories of my former life. However, at the same time, I will also be starting to collect new memories, for my new life. I'd like you to be a part of it. I know I may be gone long, but I promise I will come back."  
Promise! According to Freya, I didn't keep my promise the first time around. How on Gaia would I keep it this time?  
Perhaps this wasn't a promise but instead my way of merely saying goodbye.  
She rises to her feet and begins to walk out of the grotto. I look at her, afraid of what might become of us now. Its true, I do not love her, but I do care about her. I don't want her to hate me.  
"Where are you going!" knowing well that I had no right to inquire such a thing from her.  
Freya looks at me briefly with sad eyes, then turns right back around. But that look in her eyes told me everything. I now knew where she was going-or rather I knew to WHOM she was going to.   
Him. That man. Him. That big lizard/salamander-type man. The one with long dreadlocks as red as the flaming fires of hell. This bounty hunter, the man they call The Flaming Amarant.  
I had known she and him were close friends during her travels with Zidane, and I did suspect something had been going between them. Of course, Freya denied it at the time, being the ever so loyal girlfriend that she was. But it was so easy to read the look on that salamander-human's face when I'd come for Freya. His eyes were well hidden behind that mop of hair, but I could see the expression of sadness and jealousy. He loved her, loved her the way I could not.   
I must admit that when I realized that someone else loved Freya, I did not feel a single trace of jealousy. Instead I felt guilt. Guilt for robbing a man of the woman he truly loves. I'm not that heartless!  
Imagine that...a union between a rat-folk and a salamander-human. Ludicrous, I'd say!  
I realize that I'm in no position to dictate who Freya may marry or not. I simply find it rather odd that she'd take comfort in a loner like him. But he could give her the love she needs.  
Let the salamander-human have what he wants. I won't stop him.   
The least I could do for my hurting Freya was encourage her to find true love, whether it be with Amarant or another rat-folk.  
"Freya..." I begin, turning to look at her.  
But she was already gone.  
I stare for several moments into the space where she'd once stood, hands trembling and eyes crying. I wearily shake the image out of my head and pick up my lance. I head out of the grotto, ready to start my new travels and my new life.  
Somehow, I felt that it wouldn't include Freya this time.  
  
Author's Notes: Sorry people, I just can't see how Fratley still loves Freya even with a memory loss. Besides, I think he's kind of a jerk for leaving Freya while he traveled Gaia. Why couldn't he take her with him? Ah well, in my opinion, Amarant would treat her much better, even if he is a cold-hearted man.   
Please do not comment if you're going to nit-pick at grammar or spelling. Revisions like those should be left up to the author to find and correct. You as readers should comment on the content...was the story good? Do you prefer Freya/Fratley? (GO AMARANT!)  
Email me at delita_chan@hotmail.com (Also, do NOT leave personal attacks or I'll have the review removed).  
  
  
  



End file.
